吉格斯再遇里皮身份已变 昔日追风少年执教迎战国足

We all want to be liked, respected, and accepted. The desire to obtain those three things play a big role in directing our thoughts and actions. Some of us become overachievers trying to live up to other people's standards or expectations (oftentimes unrealistic expectations). Some of us alter our career paths trying to please our parents. And some of us waste precious time worrying about and consumed with the thoughts of others (what if they don't like...).

In my younger years I cared a lot about what other people thought about me. Over the years I’ve learned that there is no shortage of people waiting to cast judgment on you. The natural initial reaction is to entertain this nonsense. So you start juggling their potential and actual judgments of you. You worry about what other people think about your actions and choices. This is a complete waste of your time and talents.

As a father, I find that we frequently face overly judgmental people. The older I get, I'm less worried about messing up as a parent because I mess something up every day. Every good parent who is trying does. I’m more so concerned with giving my girls the best of me.

I remember trying to help them learn to put their shoes on the right feet. I used the same technique with both, but the experience was different with each.

I recall one of the first times my oldest put her shoes on all by herself. The left shoe went on the right foot and the right shoe went on the left foot. I did not stop or correct her. She stood and walked for about 30 seconds. She then turned and said, “Daddy something’s wrong”. I told her that her shoes were on the wrong feet. She sat back down and corrected the problem. For her, a few times experiencing that uncomfortable feeling was enough to teach her how to put her shoes on correctly.

The youngest was a bit different. I tried the same technique, however, I do not think she felt the same discomfort that the oldest felt. She would put her shoes on the wrong feet and walk around the house like nothing was wrong. I would allow her to keep them that way for short period of time thinking that some discomfort might set in and help her learn the proper way to put on shoes. I typically corrected the error in the car so that I would not to spoil the initial excitement of simply putting her shoes on by herself. Once in the car, I would ask her questions like "How do your shoes feel" or "How do your shoes look to you". She did not feel any discomfort at all.

My technique came under judgment one day when I took her to one of those tumbling places in a local shopping center. We tumbled for a short period of time and when it was time to go she proudly placed her shoes on the wrong feet, looked up at me and said, “Daddy I'm ready to go, I put my shoes on all by myself”. I said, “Yes you did big girl let's go”. As we began walking to the car a Judging Jane looked in my direction and mumbled to a friend, "That is why fathers should never be allowed to be alone with their children" as she judgingly dropped her eyes in my daughter's direction.

They did not realize I heard them (or maybe they did but did not care since they were in full Judging Jerk Mode). Thankfully my daughter was too busy singing and dancing to notice them. I politely smiled at them and said, “Hi”. As I was walking off she whispered to her friend, “He doesn't have a clue”. As I buckled her into her car seat, my budding big girl looked down at her shoes then up at me and said, “Daddy my shoes look funny, I need to take them off”. Eureka! She had a breakthrough right before I was about to ask her about her shoes. For her, there was no discomfort. Her solution was in the visual. It finally hit her.

Now the old me would've been worried about what the women had said and what they were thinking. I may have even tried to explain to them my technique for parenting my children. Or I may have said nothing but worried about it afterwards. But the new me does not juggle judgement, instead I place it where it belongs. In the junk drawer.

Here's why I don't juggle judgment.

People's Opinion Doesn't Matter
I remember this one television commercial that started with a man on a riding lawnmower cutting his grass. He was clean cut and suburban. He described his nice big home his multiple cars and his swimming pool in his backyard. He detailed how nice it was to have these things. Then the camera pans to his face and he said those nice things caused him to be in debt up to his eyeballs. In efforts to please his friends and family, he accumulated a lot of nice things. Along the way he also accumulated a bunch of debt. I highly doubt that his friends and family are going to help him pay off his debt. So one reason I don't juggle judgment is because other people's opinions of me don't matter.

Assumption are an Activity Killers
Judgmental people do a lot of assuming. And based on their assumptions they act, react and respond oftentimes prematurely to what they see. Think about my judgers in this situation. They interrupted their day to take the time to observe and critique my parenting technique. This was not just a fleeting moment, they continued the discussion after we crossed paths. They glared at me from inside the shopping center and gave a “now you get it dummy” glance when they saw me helping my daughter put her shoes on correctly.

I can only imagine the conversation from that point. I’m betting they started talking about how stupid dads are. Then the conversation probably migrated to how incompetent their husbands, brothers and uncles are at parenting. But wait, am I judging now. See what I did there. I just wasted valuable time typing something based on a judgement. I cannot get that time back. Instead of judging I could have been producing something positive.

So back to our regularly scheduled article.

I do not juggle judgments anymore because it is a complete waste of time, effort and energy.

Judgers are Just Plain Jerks
Imagine being around someone whose goal is to find fault in others. As I said earlier, your time with them will not be productive because they are activity killers. Because they are irritated by almost everything, Judgmental Jerks are usually either talking about someone else or targeting you with their justified judgments.

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I am an advocate for better business environments. In my day job as an auditor, I have helped companies save millions while reducing redundancies. As an author, speaker and trainer, I hope to do my part in improving people, processes and profits.

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